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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000873">Zerkalo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/carefulfleshgnawer/pseuds/carefulfleshgnawer'>carefulfleshgnawer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Set just after the whole kidnapping thing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:47:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/carefulfleshgnawer/pseuds/carefulfleshgnawer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They are similar, so he says, but she finds that they are ultimately different.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Zerkalo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Idk tiny drabble time because I got a random bout of inspiration... ahh these kids, huh. Wild.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He came to visit her. It’s not that she hadn’t expected it, it’s just that she hadn’t come up with anything to say. He came and smiled the exact same goofy grin he’d always had, and Izumo just stared and stared, quiet.</p><p>“How’re you feeling?” he asked, all easy and care-free. “Sorry about the whole kidnapping thing. But you know what they say – when duty calls, you gotta answer.”</p><p>Izumo pulled her knees up on the bed and hugged them. The room wasn’t cold, so the hospital gown didn’t bother her, but the atmosphere was less than pleasant for sure. Nevertheless, she kept the worst of her temper under control when she replied. “How do you think? Idiot. Of course, I’m not happy. And my head still hurts from whatever you pulled.”</p><p>His smile pulled more tightly at the edges of his mouth and eyes, but neither grew nor shrunk. “Ah, c’mon, it’ll pass. And I’m sure whatever they need you for isn’t that bad. You’ll be fine, and then it’ll be over, and you can forget about it.”</p><p>She hated how nonchalantly he said ‘they’, as if the Illuminati weren’t horrible monsters that had ruined her life beyond repair. As if they were just… some people.</p><p>“For a so-called spy, you don’t know much, do you?” Izumo asked, her face growing dark. Maybe he really didn’t know. Maybe they’d promised him something he’d wanted, and he hadn’t bothered to read the fine print. Maybe he was like them. “Shima, you really are a fool.”</p><p>“Aw, c’mon, stop calling me names,” he whined, but it sounded so wrong right here and now, “I just wanted to come cheer you up, you know!” Then he deflated with a pout, and squatted down, his back pressed against the wall. The khakkara he carried jingled at the motion, and Izumo eyed it wearily. “Say, what do they want with you anyway?”</p><p>Izumo laughed, humorless, “Wait, you really don’t know? All this time you’ve been spying on me and you don’t even know why?”</p><p>Renzou shook his head in the negative, eyes wide and expression open in interest. It made her more angry than she was ready for. “Well then, I’m not telling you shit,” Izumo grit out with a glare, “why don’t you creep around and find out? You’re awful good at that, it seems like.”</p><p>Renzou laughed at that, the noise was light but not necessarily sincere, “I’ll be getting the tour a bit later, actually, and they’ll probably fill me in on what I need to know,” he admitted, “I just woke up myself, and asked if it was ok if I came down to see you first before they put me to work.”</p><p>Izumo’s brow knitted in confusion. He’d just woken up…? But further context wasn’t forthcoming, and instead the boy started picking at something on his sleeve.</p><p>“Why are you like this, Shima?” she asked. Perhaps the tone came out a bit more raw than she’d intended, but she wasn’t about to take it back. “Is everything a game to you? Do you even realise what kind of situation you’re in?”</p><p>He laughed again, “Maybe it is sort of like a game. A very high-stakes one at that. I think it makes life a bit more fun, don’t you agree?”</p><p>Izumo looked at him, trying to make sense of the boy she saw. Trying to console this version of Renzou with the one she’d grown used to. The slacker who seemed to avoid anything troublesome and… this reckless boy. The pieces felt like they shouldn’t fit together the way that they did, and yet…</p><p>“Shima, were you acting the whole time?” she asked, at once curious and scared of how he might answer. Unbearable though he was, she viewed him as a friend. At least <em>tentatively</em>.</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked, “I wasn’t really acting – okay, maybe a few times when I really had to, but mostly not. It wasn’t my duty to like-” he makes air quotes “-infiltrate the school~ I just had to keep an eye out, report anything interesting, stuff like that, you know.”</p><p>“I really don’t,” Izumo sighed. She wanted to be a bit angrier than she was. She wanted to slap his stupid face. But something stayed her hand. He was talking, he was giving her answers no matter how half-assed they were – and <em>just maybe</em> he’d actually tell her something important that would make it all make sense.</p><p>Renzou shrugged, still smiling that infuriating smile. But Izumo felt something – he was still hiding. Even know, with his hand revealed, he wouldn’t speak plainly.</p><p>“Tell, me, Shima, all the times you flirted and joked – do you like me?” Her gaze was harsh, she knew, but she wanted to press. Maybe he’d fold, maybe he’d slip up.</p><p>His expression was wry, “I feel like you expect me to say it was just a ploy to get close to you.”</p><p>“That’s because I do,” She said, “Understand that I am inclined to not believe whatever you say right now.”</p><p>His smile wavered for a bit, and he raised a hand to scratch at his cheek. “I mean – that’s fair. It wasn’t a ploy or anything like that, I guess,” it was such a weak answer, as if he didn’t quite believe it himself. “I like you well enough. You’re fun, despite trying not to be. And I think I sort of relate to you.”</p><p>Izumo watched him as he spoke. Trying to find – some kind of crack in the façade. But he was just too good. It’s odd, she used to think he’d make a shitty liar, like Rin. But here they were, and she couldn’t read him at all.</p><p>“Is there something on my face?” he asked, “You’re making me self-conscious.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Why what?”</p><p>“Why did you feel like you related to me?” she asked. It felt like the first truth he’d spoken since he’d stepped into the room/cell. Even when he wasn’t lying, it felt like he was. All the words from his mouth were slippery and vague, like he was omitting every other phrase and speaking in riddles. As if he didn’t want to be understood.</p><p>(as if he didn’t understand what he was saying himself)</p><p>“I- ah-” he seemed to get a bit shy, breaking eye contact and looking around the room. “Well, it sort of felt like we both don’t fit in. Not the way everyone else does. Does that make sense?”</p><p>“No, that…” she paused. What he said almost made sense, she could almost get it, but she felt like there was more to it. “That’s too vague, Shima.”</p><p>He bit his lip, looking at the floor. Then, he took a deep breath, “I felt as if you were as trapped as I was, and I liked the thought of not being alone, even if you didn’t know about... things.”</p><p>“Trapped?” she asked, and felt a strange tug in her chest. What did that mean exactly? Her heart thudded nervously at the thought of figuring him out once and for all, “You’re still too vague, Shima.”</p><p>He chuckled quietly, but rose to his feet and dusted off the start white pants of the uniform he wore. Then he nodded his head to the corner of the room, “Sorry, Izumo, but I already feel like I’ve spoken too clearly with you.”</p><p>When she looked at the corner, a camera looked back at the two of them. At once she remembered where she was and with who she was.</p><p>Some horrible emotion came up her throat and left a sour taste in her mouth, “You’re full of shit, you know that?”</p><p>“I know,” he said, eyes crinkling in joy, “I also have to get going now.” And then he turned to leave.</p><p>Izumo, loathe as she was to admit it, didn’t want him to leave. Didn’t want to be left alone in this horrible room to wait for what happens next. Didn’t want the dreadful anxiety that came with the quiet.</p><p>“Shima, if you can’t be honest now that everything’s come to light, then you’ll never be able to,” she said, because that’s the first thing that came to her mind and she was running her mouth again.</p><p>He stopped by the door for a second but didn’t turn to face her. “You think everything’s come to light?”</p><p>His question was absolutely dreadful, but worse still was the cadence of his voice when he asked it. Something dark and tired was trapped in between the notes of his words.</p><p>He turned, not all the way, but just enough to look at her over his shoulder. His gaze was piercing, and nothing close to any expression she’d seen on his face until now.</p><p>“We might have our similarities,” she said, keeping his gaze steadily, “but at least I’m honest with myself. I’m not sure you even know what the truth is anymore.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything else before he left.</p><p>Izumo breathed a sigh of relief once the door closed behind him. It was useless – she didn’t get him, not all the way.</p><p>But what he’d said, it struck her. ‘<em>I felt as if you were as trapped as I was, and I liked the thought of not being alone.</em>’</p><p>How was he trapped, she wondered. Her own predicament was clear as day – bound by promises and threats to endure things she’d run away from if she could.</p><p>‘<em>I thought I had more time,</em>’ Izumo thought desolately, clutching her knees tighter to her chest. She thinks of Shiemi and Rin and the others…</p><p>She’d just started to warm up to the other exwires. She’d just started to feel like she belonged. Her heart had almost uncurled itself to let them in. And now all that effort, all that beating around the bush had cost her.</p><p>Would the others care about what had happened to her? Would they come looking? Or would they turn away, let Izumo and Renzou become an anecdote from their youth – a pair of errand classmates gone missing and never found.</p><p>And anyways – just how were she and Shima similar? The way he’d said it sounded sincere, but she just couldn’t imagine what bonds were keeping him. What want for freedom was driving him to do… whatever he was doing.</p><p>She thought of the final expression on his face – the piercing and frightening one. Izumo found that his stupidly friendly smiles were much better.</p>
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